


Pining and Needling

by starrylitme



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Zero, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Ficlet Collection, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags May Change, Tension, Tsunderes, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-09-01 22:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16774576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: A series of ficlets taken from prompt requests on my tumblr involving pairings with Matsuda Yasuke from the light novel Dangan Ronpa Zero.As is usually the case with the collection fics, the warnings and verses are going to differ chapter to chapter, ficlet to ficlet in some cases. But, considering Matsuda's character, there's gonna be a lot of tension and angst. Best be prepared for that.Please read dr0. For Matsuda-kun. Spread the love and spread the despair for the most unappreciated tsun. For Matsuda-kun.





	1. MatsuKamu - Touch-Starved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: None, really? Except for the inherent dubiousness that comes with the territory of being canon-based.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have other Matsun fics in Trigger Happy Happenstance but I've been writing so many that I think I can justify dedicating this to him...! Y-Yay...! More Matsun in a more condensed place...! Even if I remain alone in Matsuda-induced hell, I just love Matsuda Yasuke so very, very much. He's honestly really high in my favorites, second only to Komaeda.
> 
> Uh... These are all based on requests that anonymous people (well, mostly anonymous) send me. So if you don't see a certain pairing, that's why. Sorry for any disappointment. But when I open up requests on tumblr and you decide to send me something, I'll probably go for it. For now, it's mostly MatsuKoma and MatsuKamu with the occasional OT3 variation. And I'm pretty alright with that, at least. Lol.
> 
> Please validate me. I'm so alone. Also read dr0 if you haven't. I swear it's good.

**Touch-Starved Take 1**

“Alriiiiight. Time to check if you’re still functional.”

“I am.”

“I’m sure you are but protocol is protocol.”

Direct and no-nonsense as always, Matsuda Yasuke gets to work, checking his blood pressure, checking his pulse, checking his weight, and checking his temperature.

“We need to make sure that the medicine we switched you over to isn’t having any negative effects,” Matsuda was saying. “Which I’m sure you know already. Unless there’s so much talent packed into that mushy brain of yours that you can’t be bothered to remember anything.”

“Memory is unnecessary.”

“…I’m sure it is.”

And then, Matsuda clicks his tongue in irritation and brushes his hair back.

_Ah._

“Can’t you tie this back?! It’s getting out of control!”

**_Ah._ **

Matsuda’s fingers were cold and elegant, even when irritably tucking the ebony strands away.

“Christ, I can barely see your face…”

The tips of his fingers are cold, the nails neatly filed down. The brush of contact tingles not unpleasantly. All other doctors wear gloves. Matsuda Yasuke is the only one who touches him with bare skin.

With hands that he can tell are calloused from writing so much and yet his palms are smooth and soft. They smell of sanitizer, but also he can pick up traces of the chips and crackers that Matsuda favors so much.

“Mm…”

“…hm?”

Matsuda blinks at him, at how he’s leaning into his touch, eyes falling shut. At how he sighs.

“Oi…” Matsuda nearly bites his tongue. “Just what the hell are you doing?”

Before Matsuda can pull away, Kamukura grips his wrists so that he can’t.

“Do not.”

“O-Oi…!”

“Not yet.” He greedily squeezes. “Please… Matsuda-san.”

Matsuda balked, but he allowed it with a heavy groan, complacent as Kamukura nuzzles into his hands.

“…it is not unpleasant,” Kamukura murmurs. “Being touched by you like this. So allow me to indulge for a while longer.”

“I… It’s not like I have a choice…”

_I’ve never really had a choice._

That’s what Matsuda Yasuke thinks. Kamukura could care less about his conflictions. Matsuda Yasuke is here, and such is all that matters.

_Even if you wanted to leave… I wouldn’t let you._

**Touch-Starved Take 2**

It’s not like he isn’t a fussy person in general, but he knew that this was pushing it.

Still, Kamukura was practically clinging to his arm, and normally, he couldn’t even be bothered to chew and swallow his food. With that in mind, Matsuda just didn’t have the heart to shove him off even as people were staring.

_It’s not a big deal. What the hell is their problem?_

Well. It was a big deal, but the general populace wouldn’t know that.

“Geez, just how many times do you think you can get away with following me around?” he muttered. “The Steering Committee would freak if they found out that you skipped.”

“If it bothers you then stop allowing it.” Kamukura’s relaxed against his shoulder and his fingers squeeze just the slightest bit around Matsuda’s own. Weak as he was, Matsuda squeezed back. “As I predicted.”

_You don’t need to sound so fucking smug about it. Dumbass._

Urgh, his face felt annoyingly hot, too.

“It’s not like I can physically stop you, y’know. People are still in the hospital from your last temper tantrum.”

“That was months ago,” Kamukura replied blearily.

“…yeah. It was. Which proves my point.”

“That is incorrect. I would never hurt you.”

“People lie,” Matsuda muttered darkly. “Especially when the truth is unpleasant.”

“I promise that I will never hurt you, then, Matsuda Yasuke.”

“Don’t.” Matsuda yanked his hand away. “Don’t promise that to _me_ , of all people.”

“Even for someone like myself, you really are so difficult.”

Kamukura says that, but he goes right back to snuggling into his side. The train’s likely going to be paused for a while longer. How irritating.

“…if you truly cared about what was better or easier for yourself, you would’ve ran off by now.”

“Where would I go?”

“Anywhere? It doesn’t really matter. Any place is better than this one, I think.”

“Mmm…” Kamukura’s arms wrap around him silently. And securely. Too securely. More securely than the lab’s security system. Christ, he wouldn’t be able to escape even if he flailed and screamed for help for hours. “Boring. It would all be boring. Too boring.”

“Dumbass. All the talent in the world, and you’re completely fucking hopeless.”

Despite that, he pats Kamukura’s head.

“Guess I’m stuck looking after you after all. How unlucky.”

“If it’s luck you’re concerned about, I have it, Matsuda Yasuke.”

“I don’t want your shitty luck.”

Eventually, the train resumed. And eventually, their stop was reached.

“Oi, oi, get the hell off. We need to get going.”

Kamukura lets him go, and he doesn’t even have to say anything for Matsuda to take his hand and tug him along.

“If you’re going to insist on this nonsense, you need to stay close. Or else, I’ll kill you.”

No response to that. Matsuda sighed.

“Kidding. Like I could kill anyone. I’m supposed to be a doctor, after all.”

“I shall remain in your care.” Kamukura squeezes his hand. “Matsuda… Yasuke.”


	2. MatsuKoma - Negative Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Side A - Anger, hatred, jealousy, violent impulses.  
> Side B - Sadness, missing someone, helplessness.
> 
> (Includes Matsuda Survives Dr0!AU and mentions of Junko/Matsuda. No other warnings besides the stuff above.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I got the first prompt, I was super excited to do the second prompt. I waited longer than I thought I would in waiting for someone to request it. If it was never requested, that would've been really, really awkward. Still!!! Someone did!!! So we're good!!! We're very, very good!!!!
> 
> I don't like the idea of Komaeda being like, yandere-ish but I still want him to hate Junko more than you can fathomably hate a person.
> 
> (Bullshit fathomably isn't a word, google, IT IS NOW.)
> 
> Also I know I could've made this canonverse and have Komaeda mourning Matsuda's death but...keeping him alive to still be mourned in a different sense is more interesting... Also if you want to read that, I wrote like, over 20K words with that for Komaeda's bday. [Setting Sail/Departure](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466000). That's the fic. Last in its series. Check out that series if you haven't already. It's important to have variety and options. Yep, yep.

**Side A**

_Disgusting. I hate her._

She’s laughing, touching Matsuda’s arm. Matsuda shakes her off with a scowl but she’s teasing him now.

_I hate her. I **hate** her._

Poison pours from her lips, coating honeyed words. He can see that same poison drip from her touch and how it stains and burns Matsuda’s skin. Aha, as much as he would hate to desecrate a HPA uniform, he really wouldn’t mind burning Matsuda’s. It would be better. HPA needed to remain pristine, as did Matsuda.

_…so, then, why…? **Why**?_

She notices his glaring and them flashes a grin in his direction.

“Komaeda-senpai!”

A disgusted shudder goes down his spine. Matsuda perks up.

“Komaeda…?”

The realization that even if he tried to strangle her now that Matsuda would stop him swiftly and drag him off was…nothing short of bitter and suffocating.

“That’s right,” Matsuda sighed. “You had an appointment today. Alright, bitch, get going. You’ve eaten up enough time.”

“Awww, boo! But I hardly get to see you!” she pouts before giggling. “Oh, but I understand. I’m a very generous girl. You can have Yasuke-kun for now, sen- _pai_.”

Komaeda digs his nails into his arm, deep enough to cut.

_If I tried to kill her, Matsuda-kun would stop me. Matsuda-kun might even kill me. I want to see Matsuda-kun’s face as I die, but…_

“What even the hell are you talking about?” Matsuda shoves her away. “Gross. Keep your creepy fantasies to yourself. Goodbye.”

“Bye-bye~!”

The door is shut, and even though she’s gone, the potent chill caused by her presence remains.

“Oi.” Matsuda takes his arm. “You made yourself bleed. Let me…”

“Ah. Aha.” Komaeda chuckles softly and smiles up at him. “Sorry, sorry. Matsuda-kun, you really are such a shining light!”

**_And that wretched girl is a blight._ **

“Urgh, you don’t need to say weird things, too, Komaeda.”

“Ehehe!”

He nuzzles into Matsuda’s chest. Matsuda sighs, but he pats his head noncommittally. He’s quiet as Komaeda grips a fistful of his uniform, bleeding harsher wrinkles in the already wrinkled fabric.

“Sorry,” Matsuda mutters. “Let’s get to business right away.”

“…kay.”

**Side B**

_Despairing. How despairing._

Matsuda’s in one of his low moods again. He won’t stir even if Komaeda shakes his shoulder. He’s still alive, thankfully, he’s just…beyond lethargic. Komaeda wonders if it’s one of those days that he’s thinking about her.

_Disgusting. So disgusting._

Matsuda really has been so poisoned. The light in his gaze, the force of his presence, it’s as if they’ve been stripped away, leaving behind nothing more than a heap of scarred tissue, bones, hair, and skin. It really is despairing just how much she ruined him. Despairing and disgusting.

_Oh, Matsuda-kun… Such a disappointment._

Still. Matsuda had helped him several times before.

There’s much he owes him.

Hence why he hasn’t left yet.

That’s really all there is to it. That’s all there is.

_But it really does break my heart to see Matsuda-kun like this. You used to be so precious, Matsuda-kun. So radiant. So invaluable._

Komaeda squeezes his shoulders as he leans over him.

“Matsuda-kun… Please wake up. Please? You’ll just rot away like this.”

“…‘m rotting away either way…” The words are harsh and muffled into the pillow. Komaeda frowns even as he gently rubs Matsuda’s nape. Matsuda sighs. “Komaeda… Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“Several things,” he said. “Aha, even being tortured would be a more productive use of my time. But! Until I’ve put in as much effort for Matsuda-kun as Matsuda-kun has for myself, I feel like I won’t be able to leave you alone.”

He presses close, kissing the back of Matsuda’s skull with a soft giggle.

“The last time I tried to leave… I had a headache so terrible that I had to return and have you treat me. Do you remember? You gave me some of your various painkillers. So now I’m deeper in your debt.”

Matsuda was unmoved, figuratively and literally.

“…I didn’t do that shit expecting repayment.”

“I know.” Komaeda prods at that one dark, flyaway strand that seemed to further defy gravity. “But this is my best explanation for things, so please accept it, Matsuda-kun.”

_Even though seeing you like this is so painful. I miss the old you so fiercely._

“Mmgh…”

If anything, Matsuda seemed to get more depressed.

_Matsuda-kun is nothing more than a busted light. And, yet… There are still feeble flickers every now and then. I’d give my life for those._

“Come on,” he said again. “I’ll even feed you if you want. I don’t mind.” He pulls the greasy strands from Matsuda’s face, exposing those pale, delicate cheeks, dry yet elegant lips, and long, dark eyelashes. “You can even remain in bed while I do.”

Matsuda’s lips twisted and he bites on them a little more. They’re already so bruised and swollen.

_So pitiful. And yet… Matsuda-kun is definitely a beauty. Shattered porcelain. Oh, how I wish I could fill your cracks with gold._

“…fine. Whatever. You’re just going to badger me until I say yes.” Matsuda sighs again. “Komaeda… You really are stubborn as an ass…”

Komaeda laughs, turning on his heel.

“…thanks.”

Komaeda nearly froze, heart skipping a beat. Ah. How strange. It suddenly hurt so much.

_The Matsuda-kun who I owe so much to isn’t the one thanking me, but… But…_

“It’s really nothing, Matsuda-kun!”

He smiled brightly, even as said smile felt wretched, hollow, and helpless.

_But I’m so desperate that I’ll cherish it all the same._


	3. MatsuKamuKoma - Urban Legends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is supposedly a vengeful spirit terrorizing the school, born of a old legend of a cursed boy who died a most tragic and torturous death. When Kamukura and Matsuda go to investigate...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is roughly based off Dusk Maiden of Amnesia because I really like its premise, lol. I kinda would like to see a full thing based on this idea but I just don't have the energy, sorry. Um, please enjoy anyway. :'D
> 
> Pretty please.
> 
> For titles I wonder what I'd call this... Misfortunate Boy of Amnesia? I don't even know, lol.

**Urban Legends Take 1**

“…you realize that when you said that this fearsome creature is what caused terror and hysteria throughout our school, that what I expected was…”

“…more intimidating than a rabbit, I’m sure.”

“Yes. This is not what I expected.” A pause. “That does not happen very often.”

“Aha, I really am sorry!” Komaeda exclaimed, smile straining. “Someone as mediocre as myself showing up in the place of a fearsome creature must be disappointing!”

“Not particularly,” Kamukura replied. “I did not care either way.”

“You really are a lot cuddlier than the legends say,” Matsuda grumbled. “And you’re sure you’re Komaeda Nagito?”

“Yes! I am!” His smile was blindingly cheerful.

“…the same Komaeda Nagito who was murdered as a village sacrifice and now haunts the area in revenge?” Matsuda squints. “Who twists the wrists and ankles of those who cross him and then tears out their intestines?”

“Oh…” Komaeda cupped his own cheeks. “I don’t know about that. I do remember dying and I do remember a village, but that’s the end of it, aha. That other stuff sounds like a bit much.”

“A vengeful spirit is not to be underestimated,” Kamukura said. “However this spirit does not seem to be particularly vengeful. And he is too dim-witted to be manipulating us.”

“…he can still hear you, Kamukura.”

“But Kamukura-kun’s right!” Komaeda chirped. “I’m not very smart! I’m stupid and hopeless! I can’t get anything right! Even when I try to assist others, they all run and scream!”

“…is it the hair?” Matsuda wondered, not understanding that at all. “Kamukura, what do you think? There’s… There’s no way someone like this is striking terror into the heart of the student body.”

“Indeed.” Kamukura hummed. “Perhaps… We are either mistaken about Komaeda Nagito or it is a matter of mere perspective. How boring. So either way, the others were still distressed over something so frivolous.”

“I apologize for causing so much trouble,” Komaeda said, clasping his hands. “I’m sorry. If I could pass on, I would…! But I just have no idea how.”

“Because you do not even remember how you died,” Matsuda said as Kamukura played with his hair. “Something like that, I assume.”

“M-Maybe… Maybe that’s why…”

“Regardless, our investigations here come to a close,” Kamukura spoke up. “Matsuda Yasuke, we have undercovered the secret behind the school’s little horror story. There is nothing more for us here.”

“Heh? No, we haven’t. There’s a million other questions here.”

“They do not matter.”

Matsuda hmphed, and then he noticed Komaeda’s faded smile.

“I really am sorry…for causing such trouble…”

“Matsuda Yasuke. Let us get going.”

Matsuda was quiet but he followed Kamukura’s lead, all while he couldn’t help but glance back, frown deepening at Komaeda Nagito sadly waving goodbye.

Abruptly, his form twisted and distorted into something ugly.

But it was only for a moment.

**Urban Legends Take 1**

Of all the things that Matsuda was prepared to deal with, Souda Kazuichi barreling down the hallway and crashing into him while wailing was not one of those things. Kamukura, of course, watched impassively as Souda clung to Matsuda for dear life even as Matsuda practically radiated an urge to strangle.

“A-A… A monster…! T-There really was a monster…!” Souda wipes off his nose, sniffling. “Don’t go back there, that hallway really is fucking haunted…!”

“It is a place of misfortune, nothing more,” Kamukura said. “But it will become a site of murder once again if you do not get off of him, Souda Kazuichi.”

“H-Huh…?” Souda yelped as Matsuda shoved him off, smacking the ground. “O-Oww… Ahhhh… Right… There may be a monster but… Matsuda’s also an actual demon, huh…”

“Shut your wannabe shark trap, you scrublord.”

Souda whimpered.

“I… I-I really did see a monster, though…”

Matsuda’s scowl darkened.

“…it is not a monster,” Kamukura said. “A mere warp of your perception. Nothing more.”

“I-I’m sure of it!” Souda exclaimed hurriedly. “I know what I saw, Kamukura! A-And even that hamster freak was talking about radiating waves of dark energy…! A-And Sonia-san was interested…so I was just going to go see for myself but… It was so fucking scary! I could’ve been killed!”

Souda was beyond annoying, but Matsuda found it exceptionally hard to believe that sunny-faced, ditzy Komaeda would lay even a finger on him. But why the hell would Komaeda even _approach_ him? Kamukura told him not to approach anyone.

“It showed up just when I had fallen down…! It was terrifying! I could’ve DIED!!!”

“…ah.”

_He must have been worried. Goddammit Komaeda. No one else is going to appreciate your concern._

“You are not dead,” Kamukura said helpfully. “And there is nothing to worry about. Just return to class, Souda Kazuichi.”

“B-But…! I-I really saw…!”

“Nothing happened,” Kamukura said. “You said you had fallen, correct? And your forehead is rather swollen. You must have been dizzy when you came to.”

“I-I… I, uh…” Right on the nail, as always. “I-I mean… I heard a voice… But…”

“You are prone to fantasies. That voice sounded sweetly concerned, correct? So much so that you mistook it for Sonia Nevermind.”

“H-How did you…?!”

_So Komaeda’s voice isn’t…?_ As Matsuda pondered, Kamukura went on.

“The reality is obvious. Stress had gotten to you so much that after you hit your head, you began to hallucinate. Your nerves were on red alert. You freaked out over nothing.”

“…is that…really true?” Souda looked unsure, but Kamukura nodded firmly.

“Nothing happened. Return to class, Souda Kazuichi.”

“I… Y-You’re probably right, Kamukura…” Shakily, Souda stands. “You’re right about everything. Ha. Haha. Oh man, how lame.” He pats Kamukura’s shoulder. “Well, uh, s-see ya.”

With that, he scampered off. Matsuda watched, unimpressed. Suddenly, Kamukura strode forward, in the direction Souda had come from. Matsuda followed him, picking up the pace until he opened the door to the storage room to reveal Komaeda sitting atop an armoire.

“Ah! Matsuda-kun!” He beamed. “Kamukura-kun…!” That smile falters. “Aha, you ah, came across that boy, didn’t you? He screams…so loudly, but I’m glad he’s so energetic. He wasn’t moving earlier…”

“You should not have approached him,” Kamukura said coolly. Komaeda ducked his head, smile twitching with embarrassment.

“I…”

“He was worried,” Matsuda sighed. “He’s not at fault for this. It’s that other idiot’s fault for continuously trying to impress a girl who’ll never be into him.”

Kamukura hummed as Matsuda went over, ruffling Komaeda’s hair.

“People really do see you as a monster, huh?” He scoffed. “Ridiculous. A rabbit like you?”

“M-Matsuda-kun…!”

“Perception can be a dangerous thing,” Kamukura murmured. “Do not forget the reputation Komaeda Nagito has, Matsuda Yasuke.”

Komaeda’s hair falls before his gaze, obscuring it. But Matsuda still pats his head.

“You’re not a monster,” he said. “No matter what people say.”

“Still,” Kamukura added. “Please, for your own sake, try to stay hidden.” A pause. “I will look into the reality of your situation. That way you can move on from this place.”

“Staying here isn’t so bad,” Komaeda murmured. “Because you two are here.”

Matsuda flinched and even Kamukura looked slightly pained.

“…aw, geez.”


	4. MatsuKoma - Some Smutty Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prompts are as follows: orgasm control/denial, being ridden, getting fucked over a desk or table, and drunk sex. Only the last one isn't quite followed and is more just drunken fumbling/fondling, I guess?
> 
> But yeah. These were all take from a nsfw prompt list. So they're very nsfw.
> 
> Bottom!Matsuda for most of this. Because Bottom!Matsuda is love. Bottom!Matsuda is life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that people request me Matsun pairings especially with steamy prompts makes me very happy.
> 
> So right now I'm pretty sad for reasons you probably know.
> 
> If you don't know then, well... Ignorance is bliss.

**orgasm control / denial**

It really was something else. Matsuda’s cheeks dyed a blazing scarlet, his blue eyes narrowed sharply and glimmering with unshed tears. Matsuda biting his lip. Matsuda trembling. Matsuda so painfully hard in his unforgiving grip.

_Ah. Um._

“Mm…”

_I’m not sure how long I should grip it for._

“Matsuda-kun… Do you think I should let go?” he asks, cheeks pinking as well. “Do you think you deserve release?”

Furiously, Matsuda shakes his head.

“N-Nngh. Nnn.”

“No? Okay.” Komaeda couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, I could look at you like this all day, so I really don’t mind.”

_Although I want to see him cum, too. Honestly, I really want to suck him off. But…_

Matsuda wanted this kind of restraint, instead, and who was he to deny? Well, in the general sense. Denying Matsuda his orgasm was a separate matter altogether.

Especially with Matsuda trembling like this, breathing irregular as Komaeda nuzzles his cheek.

“You look incredible like this,” he murmurs. “I really am so blessed. So lucky to experience something like this…! Aha… Matsuda-kun… Matsuda-kun…” Komaeda swallows. “P-Please… Let me know as soon as possible when I should let go…!”

_I can’t help but get antsy! Even though I’ll stay here for hours if Matsuda-kun wants…!_

“F-Fuuuck…” Matsuda exhales, almost gasps and then, “N-Nagito, please.”

Komaeda’s hand yanks back as if it were burned, and yet, he clings to Matsuda as he shudders through release.

“Matsuda-kun… Matsuda-kun…!”

“Nagito…!”

It came out almost strangled, and Matsuda was left panting as Komaeda was left tense and coiled.

_Ah… Ah… **I…!**_

“L-Lemme…”

Matsuda nudges him. He jumps, and then, his eyelashes flutter.

“It’s the least I can do,” Matsuda mumbles, almost lamely.

Komaeda could’ve wept with relief.

**being ridden**

_It’s too much…just too much…_

“Nagito. Nagito. Nagito.”

He chokes out a little whimper, letting the heat wash over him as it swallowed him up again and again, making his mind spin. His eyes covered by his arms, he could only shiver as worn, gentle hands run up his abdomen.

_Oh, god…!_

“Nagito…”

Even that husky little growl made his ears tingle and his blood sing. God, what horrible luck should he expect after something like this–

“Nagito…!”

And then, his wrists are snatched up and pinned down. Komaeda yelps, eyes shooting open with shock and, and, and–

“You should be looking at me,” Matsuda growls at him, unimpressed. “Otherwise how am I supposed to know you’re not fantasizing about someone else? Jerk.”

Komaeda shudders, blood rushing to his face, and he felt, for a moment, considerably light-headed.

“I-I… I would never…”

_Anyone…other than Matsuda-kun…no way…_

“N-No way, no way…”

“Then look.” Taking both his wrists in one hand, which did little to alleviate the thudding of his poor heart, Matsuda took his chin so that their eyes could meet. “Look at me, Nagito.”

_Ba-dump._

**_Ba-dump._ **

“M-Matsuda…kun…”

Matsuda squeezes around him, and he squeaks at that, gasping as Matsuda nuzzles his cheek and bites his ear.

“A-Ah… Aha…! Oh… M-Matsuda-kun…!”

_Too much… Just… Just…_

He passes out, then and there, the last thing he hears is Matsuda yelling at him.

_Ahh…even being yelled at is nice…_

**getting fucked over a desk or table**

“A-Ah… Matsuda-kun…!”

Desperately moving hips, arms wrapped around him, a whine into his shoulder. Sifting through papers.

“F-Fuck… Urgh…”

Flipping through papers. He could only somewhat focus. For all the inexperience and sloppiness, it felt good. Really, really good.

_Not to mention he’s really, really cute. Even like this._

“M-Matsuda-kun…”

_So, so cute… So beyond fucking cute…_

“Matsuda-kun…”

_Christ…how is this idiot even allowed to exist…?_

“STOP DOING PAPERWORK!!!”

And then Matsuda fucking yelps when he’s slammed into hard, head spinning from the suddenness of it.

_Oh. Shit. That was the prostate. Definitely that._

Komaeda seemed to realize that, given the way he definitely repeated the motion and Matsuda honest to god cries out.

“F-Fuck…!”

The papers slip through his fingers. Komaeda bites his ear.

“T-That’s better,” he breathes. “As wonderful as it is that you’re so diligent, you look better like this, Matsuda-kun…”

“Fuck… _Fuck_ …!”

“Ehehehehe…” Komaeda kisses his nape, front pressing hard into his back, burying himself in deep. “I plan to.”

**drunk sex**

“God you smell so nice…so fucking nice…it’s soooo unfair… So fucking unfair…”

“A-Aha… Matsuda-kun…”

Komaeda shivers as Matsuda nuzzles into neck, breathing him in and sighing.

_I haven’t drank much myself but…_

The way Matsuda kissed and nipped along his throat, the way his hands clumsily roamed under his shirt, the way Matsuda rocked into him with a low moan. It was dizzying.

“Nagito… Mm…”

Matsuda squeezed his hip.

“…want you…so fucking bad…”

Komaeda’s arms wrapped around him in return and squeezed, running his fingers through Matsuda’s hair.

“Nagito…” Matsuda exhales, nuzzling into his hand. “Hnn.”

Komaeda kisses him, tasting Matsuda’s usual sweetness mixed with the bitterness of alcohol.

_Because it’s Matsuda-kun, I don’t mind._

“Come on,” Komaeda murmurs. “You’re stumbling a little.”

Matsuda blinks at him, eyes dazed.

“We should probably go lie down, Matsuda-kun.”

Matsuda perks, desire flickering through those cool blues.

“…yeah. We should.”

With that, Matsuda pulled him into another kiss.


	5. MatsuKamu - Sensory Deprivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self-explanatory title. Fairly M-Rated. In which Kamukura wants to strengthen the sensations of being together. Or something like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More steamy stuff. Yeee. This prompt was a lot of fun. So much so that I ended up doing it twice. Yeah.
> 
> I feel like I should make a full fic, hhh...

**Part 1**

“There’s not much point in blindfolding you or covering your ears,” Matsuda said. “Your senses are just too sharp for that shit. You’re way too overpowered.”

Kamukura merely stared at him.

“Also your skin is thicker than leather, so it’s not like you’ll be all that sensitive,” Matsuda added, grumbling. “So, yeah. There’s just no point.”

“I am aware.”

“But you wanna try it anyway, huh?” Matsuda cursed, running his fingers through his hair. “Look, dumbass, I get that we fuck on the occasion but… You’re really pushing the envelope by making shit kinky when we’re still at like, level four.”

“I am still curious,” Kamukura said. “The effect cannot truly be recorded unless it is experienced.”

“But you’re just making me do all the work,” Matsuda pointed out. “I don’t fucking want to. It’s tiring as hell, indulging you over and over again while you lay there like a damn doll. Sometimes I’d rather be the one lying there. Ever thought of that?”

“So that’s it.” Kamukura sounded awfully unimpressed and like hell Matsuda would feel bad about that.

“That’s that,” he hissed. “If you have a fucking problem then, please, by all means, hire a fucking escort instead or something.”

“An escort will not do,” Kamukura said. “It has to be you, Matsuda Yasuke.”

With that, he pushed himself up, striding over to wrap his arms around the other from behind. Matsuda stiffened, more so when Kamukura covered his eyes and murmured into his ear.

“If you simply don’t have the energy to be more active, then I do not mind switching the subject.” He nips Matsuda’s ear. “I am also curious…how you would react to all sensations blocked out save for that of your cock being ridden.”

“F-Fuck…” Matsuda shuddered. “I… A-Alright, alright, I’ll do it….!”

Kamukura pulled back.

“Thank you for your continual hard work, Matsuda Yasuke.”

**Part 2**

Matsuda was looking over the headgear with a pensive face. Kamukura waited obediently, keeping quiet as Matsuda hesitated.

_He hesitates so often. It’s so boring. He’s already come this far._

His wrists are tied down, but it’s all for appearances. Matsuda had been slightly aroused by that, at least. He’s just far too hesitant now. It takes far too long for Matsuda to just sigh and get on with it, sliding the gear onto Kamukura and plugging his ears.

“Does that work?”

“Yes. It does.”

Matsuda frowns at him, face pinching up before he realizes. “Ah. Right. You can read lips.”

Matsuda’s lips are dry and swollen from how much he’s bitten them.

“Because you’re so predictable, we’ll be able to carry a conversation even after you’ve blindfolded me, Matsuda Yasuke.”

“Wow,” Matsuda said. “Yeah, I don’t want to.”

“Unsurprising.”

“In fact I just want you to shut up.”

“Alright.”

He shuts his mouth. Matsuda bites his lower lip again before finally leaning in, tugging his half-done tie from around his neck.

“You really are intolerable,” he murmurs as he blindfolds him. “And there…”

Everything was dark. Despite that, he could sense Matsuda’s presence keenly from the light brushes of his fingertips to the scent of his exhale.

_It’s… Ah._

Matsuda touches his neck. His cold fingers are trembling, and Kamukura, too, shivers. It’s pleasant. It’s actually pleasant.

“M… Matsuda-kun…”

Matsuda sucks in his breath, and then kisses him hard. He’s all too content to accept it eagerly.

_A sweet taste, make sweeter by the silence and darkness._


	6. MatsuKoma - 4 AUs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ghost au, madoka magica au, angel au, and little mermaid au. SFW but for the last one, there's some implications of body horror and pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> au ficlets are probably among my favorite to write because I can play more with the world-building. I'm pretty fond of all of these. The angel au one is really embarrassingly short, hmph. :V Probably because without any self-control I end up writing 30K of that shit as...you've probably noticed...if you read my stuff.
> 
> BUT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN MUCH OF MATSUDA SO I REALLY SHOULD'VE WRITTEN MORE.
> 
> Siiiiiigh. Well. Anyway. Please enjoy. And maybe comment? It would be nice. :'D

**Ghosts AU**

“So this isn’t even your first time meeting a ghost, huh.”

“No,” Komaeda laughs. “I think the first time was during a test of courage in elementary.” A pause. “Is this, um, Matsuda-kun’s first time being seen?”

“I haven’t been dead for all that long, so yeah.”

Matsuda shrugs, eyes rolling back.

“Truth be told, I guess I’m lucky that the first weirdo who moved into my place after I died was…well, you.”

Komaeda sips quietly at his tea.

“I see…”

“Although… You look pretty close to death yourself,” Matsuda went on. “Not sure how I feel about _that_.”

Komaeda hummed, tugging at his blanket so that it was more snugly wrapped around him.

“I’ve been sick and yet I’ve survived for this long,” he said. “I don’t think you need to worry, Matsuda-kun. Although if I die, if I can still get to talk to you, that doesn’t seem too bad…”

“That’s a stupid fucking thing to say,” Matsuda grumbled. “You do realize I’m _trapped_ like this, right?”

_That’s right._

“So… How should I help you move on?”

“How the hell should _I_ know?”

“…um.”

_Oh, that’s not a good sign._

“You don’t…have any idea why your spirit is trapped to this location?” Komaeda asked. “Ah. Then… I’ll have to do investigating. I’ll help you though, Matsuda-kun. Don’t worry. I’m not going to die under these circumstances.”

“I’m not asking you to go out of your way, y’know,” Matsuda pointed out with a huff. “Honestly, it’s not a big deal.”

“I-I’ll do everything I can! I promise!”

Matsuda stares at him with an unreadable expression. No, Matsuda looked exhausted, considering his ruffled up hair, sunken blue eyes, and just the paleness of his features. Not all ghosts looked this beyond exhausted.

“I’ll help,” Komaeda insisted. “Definitely.”

Matsuda sighs and waves his hand.

“Fine, fine. It’s not like I can stop you anyway.”

**endless (madoka magica au)**

“So, Matsuda-kun… Your given name was Yasuke, right?”

_I’ve seen this scene play out countless times._

“Yeah.”

“Hmm… Yasuke… Made with the characters for ‘night’ and ‘rescue’… That’s a pretty poetic name, don’t you think?” he laughs. “It’d be fitting for a romantic lead! It’s a very pretty name, Matsuda-kun.”

“If you want to call me by that name,” Matsuda huffs. “Go right ahead.”

“O-Oh no! I could never be so rude!”

“I really sincerely do not fucking care. Saying that name would make you happy, right?”

He flusters.

“…mm…maybe a little… I don’t really know why, but…!”

“Then go for it… Nagito.”

Komaeda Nagito flushes to his ears.

“O-Okay… Yasuke-kun.”

He beams, practically sparkling. Truth be told, if it were possible to make this moment last, well…

Matsuda fiddles with his ring, biting and picking at the scars on the inside of his cheek.

“Mm.”

_I’ll definitely save you this time, Nagito. But how many times have I thought that to myself? I might as well be in an endless cycle._

Always coming so close, and yet so far. Always, always, ending the scene with Komaeda Nagito either dead or…a monster.

_Rescue… What a cruel name I have._

But it’s a name that makes Komaeda Nagito happy, so it’s a name he’ll retain.

**wings**

“Do all angels have wings this beautiful? I find that hard to believe.”

Matsuda snorts, though a light pink touches his cheeks as Komaeda traces patterns along the feathers, fascinated with the flecks of gold along pure elegant white.

“They do. Mine really aren’t anything special so quit looking at them like that.”

Komaeda’s eyes were still sparkling, so Matsuda pinched his cheek and pulled, earning a yelp.

Komaeda was wincing, grimacing at him. An amused smile twisted at Matsuda’s lips but he hurriedly forced it back.

“…for an angel,” Komaeda said, pouting. “You’ve got quite the devilish side.”

“Yeah, well.” Matsuda tilts his head. “We’re supposed to be forces for good. That doesn’t mean we have to be _nice_. Sometimes cruelty is how you learn.”

Komaeda’s frown deepens.

“…that’s sad.”

“That’s how it is,” Matsuda said.

_Even though, yeah. It’s really, really fucking sad._

**Fairy tale-inspired horror**

Unsurprisingly, Komaeda had collapsed behind him. Matsuda sighed, turning back and going to help him up. Komaeda was shaking, particularly with his legs. Even if the pain wasn’t visible on newly crafted skin, it was clear as day on Komaeda’s paling, pinched up face.

“This is what you wanted,” Matsuda reminded him coldly. “So stand up straight. Raise your head.”

Komaeda lets out a shaky exhale, swallowing before he nodded and steadied himself. He was still trembling. He bit his lip hard enough to bleed. Matsuda wipes it away, humming as he does.

“I really don’t understand you,” he said. “What’s so great about this prince anyway that you’d walk on daggers for them?”

Komaeda couldn’t answer that, of course, though he does look Matsuda over curiously and worriedly. Somehow, Matsuda could understand.

“It doesn’t hurt me to be here like this,” Matsuda told him. “I’m a witch, remember? You’re not. So you’re not taking as kindly to the transformation. Obviously.”

Komaeda simply smiled, relieved. Yes, it didn’t hurt Matsuda at all to be transformed, but–for whatever reason, that innocent smile of Komaeda’s left a pang in his chest. Komaeda, whose very being was crumbling before him, all for the love of some human that likely doesn’t even know he existed.

_Love is horrifying._

“Come on,” he sighs, offering his arm for Komaeda to take. Komaeda uses him as a near crutch as he stumbles in every painful step. Being the one who put him in that state, this and looking over him is the least Matsuda could do.

_…he could die…_

And yet, Komaeda’s eyes were shimmering with stubbornness and eagerness. All for some human who had no idea what he did to be here.

_It’s disgusting._


	7. MatsuKamu - Some Shameless Smut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. The prompts are pretty straight-forward and they're all fairly NSFW even if they're not all explicit.
> 
> The relationship is still a little dubious but aside from Matsuda's language, I don't think there are any warnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written so much steamy stuff and I feel no shame about it. *eats poptart*
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> These two have such a fun relationship. It's so messy. In so, so many ways.

**Rough Sex**

“God, you really are way too fucking much. What kind of asshole bites so hard that he draws blood not even five minutes in?”

Matsuda shoves him harder into the bed’s plush surface, with an unforgivingly tight grip on his jaw and a harsh scowl. All with that gruesome mar on his pale shoulder. Kamukura’s gaze flickered to that briefly, and Matsuda dug his thumb hard into his cheek.

“Was it on purpose? Did you want someone to know what we were up to? You asshole. You’re such a _complete_ fucking asshole.”

“…you enjoyed it,” Kamukura pointed out, almost innocently. To emphasize his point, his legs locked around Matsuda’s hips and he grinds back.

The response is immediate. Matsuda shudders, cheeks burning a brilliant red, all the way to his ears, and he very nearly bites his own lip to draw blood.

“S-Shit…”

“Yes, that is right,” Kamukura goes on, prying Matsuda’s hand off of him with ease, reaching out to loop his arms around Matsuda’s neck and pull him in close enough to lap the blood from his shoulder. “Matsuda Yasuke has quite the affinity for being hurt.”

Matsuda yanks on his hair, and he exhales.

“And also for hurting.”

“S-Shut the hell up… Just… _fuck_ , just shut up…!”

Matsuda ruts into him rather harshly, and that does evoke him to stiffen briefly at the sensation. His eyes flutter shut with a sigh, and Matsuda kisses him hard enough with more teeth and tongue than those soft, swollen, so well-bitten lips of his.

Matsuda’s the one who pulls back with a gasp, saliva still connecting their lips. In a move of rare tenderness, Kamukura wipes the slickness of both budding blood and spittle from his mouth.

“There is no shame in this,” Kamukura murmurs. “No shame in any of it.”

Matsuda’s teeth grit and he just covers Kamukura’s mouth. It’s a little tight, but it’s anything but painful.

“Just shut the hell up,” Matsuda huffed into his ear before biting down.

**trying to distract the other with sex while they’re “busy”**

Matsuda Yasuke is mulling over files, not terribly interested in them. He has his reading glasses on and keeps rubbing his nose irritably, sniffling from time to time.

At first, he had merely watched, because Matsuda snapped at him that if he made a ruckus, he would have to leave. So even though he is still very much considering wrecking the office, he sits obediently and waits.

And then, Matsuda nibbles at pen. His well-chewed pen. Matsuda Yasuke, he noticed, has an oral fixation. He has known that for a while now.

After all, Matsuda Yasuke had been especially eager with his mouth during their last session. Which had been a while ago. Because, Matsuda Yasuke was so…busy.

Right now, he is overworked and overstressed, barely able to keep up with the exceedingly dull papers from how he runs his fingers through his hair. Over. And over.

Resolute, Kamukura stands and strides towards him.

“You should take a break,” he says, squeezing Matsuda’s shoulders. “They will be there in the morning.”

Matsuda scoffs at first, waving him off and shooing with his hand.

“Shut the hell up. It’s none of your concern.”

“It is my concern because I worry about you.”

His arms wrap around Matsuda’s neck.

“How about we do something else? This work of yours…is so boring. So…” He sighs into Matsuda’s ear. “So passionless.”

Matsuda shivered but shoves him away.

“Get the fuck out, then if it’s that boring.”

Kamukura takes his wrist, pressing a kiss to his palm.

“I would rather fuck…”

“Oh my fucking god.” Matsuda’s cheeks were burning red. “Shut the hell up.”

Kamukura blinks once, twice.

“…how about I treat you to dinner?”

“I’m not…!”

His stomach growls. Matsuda’s blush darkens.

“…urgh…fine…whatever.”

Satisfied and smug, Kamukura entwines their fingers.

_Later, I can sexually eat him._

**grinding up against each other**

He’s not sure what the actual fuck he’s hoping to accomplish here besides the obvious. He is sure of one thing, however.

This is Kamukura’s fucking fault.

Kamukura, with his stupid-ass stoicism and stupider sex drive. Newly discovered apparently because Kamukura told him that Matsuda was the first object of desire he ever held. Yeah. He believed that about as well as he believed the moon landing was faked.

It’s stupid. So stupid. Of all the people to do this with, Kamukura Izuru was the single worst choice Matsuda ever could have made.

_..and yet._

The way Kamukura matches his movements with ease, the way Kamukura grinds into him with almost a perfect fucking technique. It’s not just good, it’s ridiculously fucking good and he can barely function halfway from the sensations of it.

“S-Shit, shit, shit.”

Instead, like a fucking animal, he can only chase after the stunning heat Kamukura Izuru provides, rutting into him desperately and moaning with abandon, more so when Kamukura presses against him in a deep, dizzying kiss.

_Oh my fucking god, I could die from this._

He could die, he could die, his brain could fucking short circuit from the rush of endorphins but like a addict, his fingers dig into Kamukura’s pristine suit to pull him even closer. Like a glutton, he’s way too fucking eager to suck on Kamukura’s tongue and relish the tastes and sensations of Kamukura kissing him until he damn near suffocated.

“G… God, fucking, urgh…”

“Matsuda,” Kamukura murmurs against him. Steady and low. Of fucking course he wasn’t nearly as affected. If Matsuda were a little more lucid, he’d be a lot more pissed. “Mine. _Mine_.”

With Kamukura squeezing him in an unbreakable grip, Matsuda’s eyes could only roll back as he tumbled over that edge, Kamukura embracing him as he shuddered.

_Just what…even the hell…are we doing?_

Even as the fog finally cleared, he had no clue.

**Shame(less)**

“Knock that off!” Matsuda hisses, elbowing him in the face. He pulls away, loathe as he is to do so, and Matsuda scolds him. “Don’t you have any shame at all?!”

“Shame,” Kamukura says intelligently, rubbing his cheek. “Boring.”

“Right. Of course.” Unimpressed, Matsuda nods and then folds his arms, still bristling. “Then how about fucking public decency laws? I know you know about those considering applicable talents.”

“Mm…” Kamukura looks around. It’s quiet this time at the park. A few people are there, but all of them are distracted by other tasks from sleeping to watching over their pet. “The mood is right.”

“The mood is obviously not right, you freak!” Matsuda exclaims at him, considerably heated. “If all you were going to do was proposition me then why the hell did you even want to go out in the first place?!”

_…because I did want to have you under the sky. I wanted to know what that would be like._

“You were frustrated,” he pointed out. “I am always willing to alleviate that, Matsuda Yasuke.”

Matsuda sputters, and then just like that he deflates. He’s still red in the face, but more grumbling and resigned as he runs his fingers through his hair.

“…what even the hell am I doing…getting so intimately involved with someone like this…”

“Frustration,” Kamukura says. “And pity. Perhaps…desire, as well.”

Matsuda grimaced, but he didn’t get upset with him.

“You really are a troublesome, complicated person,” Kamukura goes on. “But that is a factor in why I favor you to other far more boring people. And I do not feel there is anything wrong in desiring you as well.”

Matsuda shuffles a bit, scratching a bit more furiously at his scalp.

“…not here,” he muttered. “I… I still have enough shame…to not do anything out in public.”

Kamukura perks up, dull eyes alit.

“That is fine,” he replies, clearly eager even with that normally impassive face. Matsuda hunches a bit. “I do not mind. Anything that you desire from me, I am willing to reciprocate.”

Matsuda gives him a pained look.

_The benefit of being together is the opportunity to twist that expression into something more favorable._

“Come on.” Matsuda grabs his wrist, pulling him along all the same. His voice is tight. “There should be a motel or something not too far from here.”

Kamukura hums.


	8. MatsuKamuKoma - 3 Unique AUs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gothic Horror AU, Crack B-Movie Horror Sharks AU, and Angels/Demons AU. SFW.
> 
> Slight body horror and mention of mysterious death. But it's pretty underplayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are all AU ficlets from... October, probably? That's why they all have the darker feel, I think. They were all pretty fun to write, especially these MatsuKamuKoma ones. I do kind of like writing mysterious circumstances even if I lack the intelligence to formulate a proper mystery, haha.

**Victorian Gothic / English Gothic AU**

“Shit, shit, shit! Fuck! Owww…! What even the hell _was_ that?!”

“It was a trapdoor, Matsuda-san.”

“I knew that, but why the fuck was there a trapdoor?!”

“Did you adjust any pictures?”

“No! I didn’t! Argh, ow… I-I twisted it…” Matsuda hissed as he rubbed his leg, slipping off his sandal with a wince. “My ankle’s swollen. It hurts really, really bad. From what I can tell… It might be fractured. Fuck, and I thought this day couldn’t get any worse…”

Kamukura was quiet for a moment.

“…hey, it smells really bad in here.” Matsuda’s grimace deepens. “That’s…a really bad sign.”

“We are not alone in here,” Kamukura murmured. Matsuda stiffened just as a small voice spoke up.

“Ah, excuse me…?”

They both tensed, turning to the voice. At the very least, the person speaking to them looked weak. Sickly and thin, with white hair and a complexion that looked as though it never knew light.

“…are you…doctors…?”

“We’re not exactly in a position to prescribe anything,” Matsuda huffed. “Well, I’m sure as hell not. Kamukura might. And who the hell are you?”

“Komaeda Nagito.” He waves with a friendly smile. “I’m really glad. Um, no one has been here in a while, so I’m really worried about…them.”

“Them,” Kamukura echoed and directed his attention past Komaeda to the body tucked away in the corner of the room, slumped against the wall. His eyes narrowed sharply and he got up. “I shall check. While I do, bandage Matsuda’s foot for me. I will prepare a splint as well.”

“O-Oh thank you! Thank you so much, Kamukura-san!”

Matsuda’s own gaze was suspicious as Komaeda bounced up to him as Kamukura checked the body. For whatever reason, Komaeda was carrying bandages with him. His arms were wrapped up, and Matsuda hummed.

“How long have you been down here?”

“Oh, um, a while. I can’t remember how long it’s been, it’s always dark you see,” Komaeda wheezes out some ugly-sounding laughter. “But what about you? Visitors are so strange, especially falling in!”

“The guy who lives here is supposed to be my boss,” Matsuda muttered lowly. “He called me here, saying it was urgent. Kamukura just…tagged along because he was bored.”

“Oh, really? Well… I only really know the people who visit. They bring food and first aid. They’re very kind. Though they prod a little too much for my tastes. Still, I’m grateful.” A light chuckle. “I’d be on the streets in the pouring rain if not for them, after all.”

Matsuda clicked his tongue.

“…they are dead,” Kamukura calls out suddenly. Matsuda wasn’t surprised and Komaeda looked disappointed.

“Oh… That’s a shame.”

“Their corpse is odd, that said,” Kamukura went on, striding forward as he flipped his hair. “Their face was wrapped with twisted with fright. There are no external injuries. However… Many organs are missing.”

“Oh.” Komaeda blinked. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Hey,” Matsuda said lowly, tugging on Komaeda’s sleeve. “How long have they been like that?”

“Since they got here. Though I don’t think they’ve always looked afraid. They never spoke to me, but they did listen to what I have to say. Um…” Komaeda taps his chin. “I don’t…think they were dead when they were dropped off… How very odd… Is dying really that inexplicable?”

“No. It’s not.” Matsuda ran his fingers through his hair. “Kamukura, this is not fucking worth our meager-ass salary.”

“It is not boring, at least,” Kamukura murmured. “Well, no matter. I shall find a way to escape. Komaeda Nagito, feel free to come with us.”

“But won’t they be mad if I leave?” Komaeda asked, eyes wide.

“Probably,” Matsuda grunted, wiping off his brow. “Come with us anyway. I feel like leaving you here with a corpse is just a bad idea.”

“O-Oh…!” Komaeda beamed. “Then… If you’ll have me!”

**Cracky B-movie Horror**

“I have accumulated food.”

“Kamukura-kun… That’s a shark.”

“It’s one of the sharks swimming around outside…”

“It is food.”

“Is it…? I’ve never eaten shark before.” Komaeda prods it curiously, taking a good look at its gaping maw. “Such a fearsome creature… It’s almost sad to see it sprawled out like this.”

“Komaeda, those things have been terrorizing the city for the past two days. There’s clearly something wrong with them.” Matsuda pokes it next, grimacing. “It might be the result of a brain parasite. But like hell I know shit about marine biology.”

_Still this whole situation has been more weird than anything… I look out the window and there’s so many sharks just…in the streets. Swimming without a care._

“Food,” Kamukura said.

“W-We can’t eat this, you idiot!” Matsuda exclaimed.

“Why not?” Komaeda asked. “I’m hungry enough to at least nibble on its fin.”

“Don’t you two know anything about mercury poisoning?! The bigger the fish, the higher the mercury level! We can’t eat this! It’s past the ratio!”

“I can extract mercury,” Kamukura said.

“…of course you can. So, what, are you going to just eat shark until the water levels go down?”

“There’s really nothing else,” Komaeda murmured. “This really is unfortunate. I miss the taste of bread…”

“The issue is that there are people looking to gather all the sharks up and kill them, but perhaps that will mean an influx of shark meat,” Kamukura added.

“All you two can think about is food, huh…” Fair. Considering his own stomach rumbled and he’s not so strong that he didn’t look at the shark with a bit of a glint. “I hope the taste is at least decent.”

“Shark fin soup…does that sound good, Kamukura-kun?”

“I will see what I can do.”

**Demons / fallen angels / angels / any mythological equivalent**

“So you’re really not afraid.”

“There’s not much to be afraid of,” Komaeda said. “You both are powerful, yes, but extremely unmotivated. I feel like even killing someone as weak as me just wouldn’t be worth the effort. That’s how you feel, right?”

Matsuda shrugged.

“Honestly… Yeah. I just want to stay out of trouble. Demons, angels, I’m sick of both. And Kamukura…”

“Kamukura-kun hasn’t moved at all in the past twenty minutes.” Komaeda rubs at his nape, staring at where the demon lord was still sitting and staring at nothing. “I’ve seen statues with more life.”

“Yeah,” Matsuda agreed. “Hence why I’m not too bothered about him being around. But… I can probably take him in a fight. You, on the other hand…”

His gaze sweeps over Komaeda, at his slim shoulders and small white wings.

“You should be at least a little more wary.”

“Mmm…” Komaeda seats himself with them all the same. “I’m a pretty worthless angel. It doesn’t matter if I live or die.”

“Is that right?” Matsuda asked.

“How boring.”

Kamukura speaking up was slightly a surprise, even if the words spoken weren’t.

“I am pretty boring,” Komaeda laughed. “There’s nothing to me at all. I’m so wretched that I might as well be a low level demon.”

“…sheesh.” Matsuda grimaced. “Heaven seems to have gotten more depressing than I remember if this is what the current generation’s like.”

“Heaven’s the same as you left it, Matsuda-kun,” Komaeda said cheerily. “At least, from what I can tell.”

“That wouldn’t surprise me.” A pause. “So…why not run from it? What’s the point in sticking around?”

“For virtue,” Komaeda answered angelically. “For hope. For goodness in the world.”

“Boring.” Kamukura spoke up again. “Such sentimentality is nothing more than folly.”

“It’s not folly, it’s faith. A demon wouldn’t understand that, nor would a fallen.”

“You really think so,” Matsuda murmured, unimpressed. “You think I didn’t give everything to heaven when I was an angel?”

“I wouldn’t know that,” Komaeda said. “But you wouldn’t have fallen if your faith hadn’t been either shaken or shattered.”

Matsuda snorted, giving a twisted kind of smile. Kamukura turns to him, and Komaeda sits there, unaffected even as he was in an undoubtedly dangerous situation.

“Hope is absolute,” he said, eyes shining. “That is the truth.”

“Folly,” Kamukura said.

“Foolish,” Matsuda snapped. “And naive.”

“It’s the truth,” Komaeda insisted.


	9. MatsuKoma - Of Beauty and Sweetness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four fluffy ficlets based on one-word prompts. The prompts in question are beautiful, kiss, chocolate, and hairclips. All are SFW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has a valentines-ish ficlet so I maybe should've posted it sooner. Well, whatever, here it is now. These ones are cute but there's not a lot to say as a result.

**beautiful**

“Matsuda-kun, look! Look!”

“Quit running off!”

“Look! Look!”

Komaeda was pointing so excitedly, even as he tried to catch his breath. Sighing heavily, Matsuda turned his head and stilled at the sight.

Glass figurines. Just glass. A table with so much glass. A disaster of shards waiting to happen. And yet, Komaeda was cooing over them, especially over the glass angel in particular, with wings that looked as if the glass had been frosted.

_Huh…_

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” Komaeda asked, humming. “Did you know that glass is constantly shifting? It’s shifting so slowly that the human eye can’t perceive it, but if you lived for hundreds of years…”

“Living that long just to see glass move… Exciting.” Matsuda hummed. “Do you want one?”

“It would just break if I had it.” Komaeda laughs lightly but ruefully. “I just, ah, wanted to admire them.”

Matsuda frowns and plucks up a glass ball, observing the way the light was caught when held up to the sun.

_So slowly shifting that it can only be perceived after hundreds of years._

“…I’ll take this. How much?”

Komaeda perked up as he paid for it. Without missing a beat, Matsuda handed it over.

“Here. Check it out.”

“A-Ah, no, I…!”

“If you break it, I’ll kill you,” Matsuda said seriously. “Your life is not worth one little glass ball. So your luck’s not gonna break it. Now check it out. Or I’ll kill you.”

“Um…”

“That would be really grotesque and I wouldn’t enjoy it. So just take it, Komaeda.”

“Aha…”

Komaeda swallowed and took it, observing the sun through it, and then brightening up.

“It really is beautiful!”

“Yeah…” Matsuda’s head ducked as he stared, taking in Komaeda’s sparkling gaze and bright smile. “It is.”

**kiss**

The kiss had been tentative and gentle, completely unlike Matsuda’s usual roughness and bite. Their lips were both a bit dry, chapped, and swollen, so maybe that was part of why they were both so careful.

So careful, and yet, his traitorous heart couldn’t stop pounding.

It was still racing when he pulled away, catching his breath. His cheeks felt unnaturally warm. So much so that he felt dazed as he touched his lips, swallowing as he did.

“Mm…” His gaze flickers, and Matsuda’s covering his mouth, gaze hooded and averted.

“…”

They were both quiet. Komaeda opened his mouth to say something, but couldn’t.

“…”

His heart was pounding so hard that it was making him self-conscious.

“…well that was a thing,” Matsuda finally said after a while. “A lot less gross than I expected, with how much you drool.”

“Aha…” Komaeda’s throat felt dry. “So you didn’t hate it?”

“No, I didn’t,” Matsuda muttered. He still isn’t looking at him. “This awkward aftermath I could probably do without, that said.”

“Aha… Is that so…?”

Komaeda licks his lips and swallows.

“We can go right back to kissing, then. I-If you want. Matsuda-kun.”

Matsuda rubs at his nape, and then shrugs.

“Sure. Why, not.”

**chocolate**

“Bitter but a rich flavor!” Komaeda chirps cheerfully. “For someone like me, dark chocolate is only fitting!”

“It’s also good for your health,” Matsuda said. “So maybe not the most fitting, with how unhealthy you are in mind, body, and soul.”

Komaeda merely giggles at him.

“I suppose that’s true… Matsuda-kun would know, after all…”

“And the hell do you mean by that? What do I _know_ exactly?”

Komaeda’s smile is serene and enigmatic as he unwraps another piece of chocolate and nibbles on it.

“…Matsuda-kun would know…everything, I suppose?”

“Haah? Do I look fucking omniscient?” Grumbling, he unwraps a piece of white chocolate for himself and tosses it into his mouth. “Well I do know quite a bit. Like how you’re full of shit both literally and figuratively. Those rotten parts of your brain really should be flushed.”

Komaeda laughs.

“Well, people have certainly tried!”

Matsuda didn’t laugh in response to that.

**_…urgh._ **

“This really is a lot of chocolate, Matsuda-kun,” Komaeda hummed. “You’re so popular! But that’s to be expected with how amazing and talented you are.”

_Amazing…and talented…when I can’t even help the guy sitting across from me…or that hopeless childhood friend of mine…_

“…thanks for helping me eat them,” Matsuda mutters instead. “It’d be a pain if I had to eat all this shit by myself.”

“Only because you asked me! And it’s not like the feelings of reserve course students really matter. They shouldn’t be pestering you with such things anyway.” Komaeda observes one of the little chocolate hearts. “They’re beneath you. Then again, I am, too. Figuratively… And sometimes literally, haha!”

At that Matsuda got flustered.

“Shut the hell up and stuff your mouth.”

**hairclips**

“A-Ah, Matsuda-kun…!”

“Don’t squirm so much, idiot! This is a delicate process! Do you want me to yank your hair out?!”

“M-Mm…”

Komaeda tried to stay still, even as he kept fidgeting with his fingers. Ignoring that, Matsuda pushed strands back, holding the messy fringe in place before he pulled the clip from where he had been holding it in his mouth. Just like that, he had half of Komaeda’s unruly bangs under control. Now for the other half.

“U…Uuu… Matsuda-kun…”

“I’m going to pull your hair if you don’t shut up. It’s just a hairclip, not a needle.”

Just as before, he clipped the fringe in place, making it so that no ivory strands were obscuring Komaeda Nagito’s pale face.

“Ahaha…” Komaeda laughs weakly as Matsuda leans back to observe his handiwork. “So, um, how is it? Less unsightly, I would hope?”

“Hmm…”

Matsuda’s gaze narrows. Komaeda’s cheeks flush. It’s a lot clearer, now, just how much Komaeda blushes and how deeply the red stains the pale skin. And just how complementary that red was with green four-leaf clover hair-clips.

_…damn._

He really had been absolutely right in that these clips would suit Komaeda. He had been so right, in fact, that it pissed him off a little.

_Someone this troublesome shouldn’t be this cute and not be a cat._

Although there had been a cat headband too…

_Ack. What the hell am I thinking?!_

“Matsuda-kun? Um…”

“You look fine,” Matsuda said, sighing. “Way less unsightly. I prefer being able to see your eyes.”

Those very same eyes went wide, sparkling with captured light.

“O-Oh… That…” Komaeda smiles, trembling a little. “T-That makes me really happy to hear… Thank you, Matsuda-kun…!”

_Maybe a ribbon would also look cute…_

“It’s nothing. Really.”

_I feel like I’m above to dive into Pandora’s box with all these possibilities._


	10. MatsuKoma - Remnants of Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ficlets from the Matsuda Lives AU where Matsuda becomes a remnant. Not, like, *that* but I would definitely rate this at an M.
> 
> Warnings for depictions of hospitalization, needles, medicinal drugs, body horror consisting of gruesome injuries and mild mentions of guro. Yeah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so fond of the Remnant!Matsuda AU that it should be embarrassing. But I'm like, really, really into it so I like writing it a lot. In general I love despairverses though so it's not a big surprise that I'm a fan of making my Big Favs suffer even more than they do canonically.
> 
> The last ficlet is post-sdr2/dr3 though so it's not all hurt. There's some comfort. Some.
> 
> Hhhhhhhhh.

**It’s The End of The World as We Know It**

“Ma-tsu-da-kun! Ah, hello, hello! Welcome to the waking world!”

It hurt. It really hurt. As per usual. His face pinched, eyelids fluttering open. Komaeda smiled at him angelically, and then he injected the morphine into IV bag. A pitiful moan escapes his lips, and Komaeda’s finger presses to them with a shush.

“You mustn’t push yourself,” he murmured. “Last night… You nearly gutted yourself. Goodness, Matsuda-kun, you gave me quite the fright! So inconsiderate!”

Komaeda’s laugh is bright and sharp like shattered stained glass.

“I nearly lost two very important people in such close succession! It would’ve been sooooo despairing!”

_So…it wasn’t…a dream, then… Junko really…_

He would’ve moved, but he had been strapped down, which wasn’t surprising. Still, he cursed as Komaeda smiled blankly down at him.

“Can you even speak?” he asked softly, almost curiously. “Or has that wretch’s worthless death rendered you mute?”

“M… Mmgh…”

“It hadn’t been enough, had it?” Komaeda asks sweetly. “The way she smiled and waved like it was nothing–it’s unforgivable. What kind of hopeful destruction was that? Unacceptable. Well. We’re going to salvage her body soon. Those wayward underclassmen of ours will have probably been picked up by the Future Foundation by then.” He reaches out, fondly stroking Matsuda’s cheek. “We’re on the decline now, Matsuda-kun. With her death… Those people will be all the more eager to hunt us down like dogs. But I’ve no intention of dying to them, you see… Despair’s roots…have yet to be burned. They’re still in deep… Right?”

He cups Matsuda’s face.

“Right, Matsuda-kun…?”

“…I…” Matsuda blinked once, twice, and, he felt nothing short of exhausted. “It’s over… It’s all over…”

“Don’t say that…!”

“Nagito… She’s dead. It’s done. It’s over.”

“Shut up!”

“Urgh…” _It hurts so bad, but…_ “It couldn’t have come sooner, but… To have it end just like that… It really is despairing… So beyond despairing… In the end, we really were nothing to her, huh…?”

_All of that…for nothing…_

“Matsuda-kun!” Komaeda admonished. “That’s beside the point! She… If that’s really the end of her… Then she couldn’t have _really_ been Ultimate Despair! The _true_ Ultimate Despair wouldn’t have…!”

“…haaah…”

“…sorry.” Suddenly, Komaeda’s as meek as he is frustrated. “Matsuda-kun needs to rest, I… I shouldn’t…” He shakes his head. “Matsuda-kun… Just rest. Once you wake up, then… We’ll have to leave this place. It’s too dangerous. It’s far, far too dangerous…”

“You can just leave me behind,” Matsuda muttered. “It’s not like I have anything left, at this point. Just leave me to die. What does it matter?”

“It matters!” Komaeda exclaimed before faltering. “Geez, you still don’t understand…?”

“…not really…”

Komaeda sighed.

“…you’re such a fool…” He brushes Matsuda’s hair back. “Please, just get some rest.”

Matsuda let his eyes fall shut.

“You’re the real idiot, Nagito.”

“I’m not going to let her kill you,” Komaeda’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Not now. Not ever.”

_…a little late for that._

Still, he slept. He would need it, after all, considering how dangerous things were going to be for them from now on.

**Physical Ailments**

It’s the first time Komaeda has offered to clean his wounds for him. Truth be told, he hadn’t actually expected that. He was a little under the impression that Komaeda no longer gave a shit about his groaning and whining and overall lack of self-care in lieu of more self-pitying.

But maybe Komaeda just had standards. Or maybe he wanted Matsuda to stop wearing filthy fucking bandages because they were such an eyesore, not to mention worsening his already shitty mood. Either way.

Still.

_Still._

“They’re really fucking hideous,” Matsuda said as he undid the rest of his shirt buttons. “Like…really bad. I’m just warning you.”

Komaeda only laughed, soaking and wringing water from the cloth.

“Matsuda-kun, I’ve seen bodies half-burnt and shredded by glass. Even if they’re her doing, how _bad_ could they be?”

Matsuda’s frown deepened and then he sighed. He groaned a little as he began to unravel the bandages from his body. He felt a little dizzy from the painkillers he took as a precaution, head a little fuzzy but… There wasn’t a waking moment he really spent either unmedicated or sober.

He nearly topples over, but he manages to deposit the last of the bandages before finally plopping down onto his knees. Komaeda blinks at him, eyes bright as they scour his body, at all the sores, blisters, discolorations, and scars.

To Matsuda’s complete non-surprise, Komaeda blanched and made a funny noise.

“I… W-Wow…” He rubs his mouth. “Aha. I, um, I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

“Yeah,” Matsuda huffed. “Admittedly, this is what happens when you don’t properly care for shit but… I guess it’s better than organs spilling out, huh? The scars from stitching aren’t too bad, I guess…”

“It’s no wonder Matsuda-kun is bitching and moaning all the time, aha… I’m sorry for getting so annoyed!”

“I really…don’t care.”

Komaeda laughed and then, rather admirably, he got to work on scrubbing his chest. He’s a little too harsh, making Matsuda wince and grimace.

“Sorry,” Komaeda murmured. “I just… This is such a despairing sight. Matsuda-kun’s beauty marred up like this…”

“It’s not that bad,” he grumbled. “Certainly not worse than the shit actual whores have been through.”

“I guess.” Komaeda chuckled a bit warmly even as his smile strained at the flicks of yellow, black, and red staining his rag. “I, um… I might need another rag.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“B-But I’ll definitely clean you off, Matsuda-kun! Thoroughly! Cleaning is one thing I’m good at!”

Matsuda snorted.

“…yeah. I figured.”

It really did hurt, but… Honestly, he can’t say he didn’t appreciate it.

**Rituals**

“You can’t be serious about this.”

“Of course not,” Komaeda chirped. “Ghosts can’t come back, after all, not how they used to be, after all.”

“If that’s the case then why the hell are you going along with it?” Matsuda asked, irritated.

“Because she’s to be the successor.” Komaeda is smiling serenely as Matsuda grimaces. “She’s an unpleasant little girl who is likely chasing shadows, but she has great potential. Just as Komaru-san does. They may both even surpass those that came before.”

Matsuda could only sigh.

_Only Komaeda Nagito would get caught up in some creepy necromancy bullshit while watching a bunch of troubled kids._

“And if they don’t?” he grumbled. “Are you just gonna ditch them or something?”

_Even though this is a better use of your time than whatever the hell the other remnants are doing._

“We shall see,” Komaeda said. “Are you worried about them, Matsuda-kun?” His smile sharpens. “Shingetsu-kun reminds me a little of you. Though he’s much more troublesome.”

“Is that a bad thing? Sounds like a bad thing.”

_I haven’t met these kids…and I don’t really want to, either._

“Who knows, who knows.” Komaeda waves that mitten-clad hand. Matsuda’s gaze follows the motions, and he just feels exhausted by the whole thing. “Well, I should get going. They don’t like to be kept waiting.”

“…sure thing…”

“I’ll let you know how the ceremony goes,” Komaeda says cheerfully. “Ah, but, if she does come back… I’ll definitely kill her myself. If that happens, please praise me, Matsuda-kun.”

_Whatever comes back will not be her._

Matsuda only sighs.

“…whatever.”

_Goddammit, Komaeda._

**Nightmares; bad dreams; hallucinations.**

It’s one of those nights where Matsuda jolts up in a cold sweat. And it’s one of those nightmares that causes him to flinch so badly from Komaeda’s reaching hand that he tumbles off the bed.

His back hits the floor with a sickening thud. Matsuda is left shuddering as Komaeda looms over him, frowning.

“…we’re on Jabberwock, Matsuda-kun.”

Komaeda offers him the hand from before, but instead of her hand, it’s the mechanical one that whirls at the slightest bit of movement. Matsuda blinks, and then he relaxes with a heavy sigh, gripping that hand and then yanking Komaeda back so that he went tumbling down atop him.

“A-Ah, Matsuda-kun…!”

Matsuda grunted at the impact but quickly wrapped his arms around the other, squeezing. His chest was throbbing, but the dull ache was grounding. And Komaeda’s body was as awkward and bony as it was comforting and soft.

Komaeda’s heart is pounding. That must be embarrassing, but Matsuda’s the one holding him tight like a child with a teddy bear.

“…it was really bad, huh?” Komaeda asks, voice small.

Matsuda grunts and nods.

“…yeah…” He inhales sharply. “It was…pretty bad.”

_Even now I can feel her nails ripping out my intestines. Gross. So unbelievably gross. I…_

“I really…don’t deserve to be here. Here. With you. Anywhere.”

“I don’t either, and yet, here we are.” Komaeda laughs almost bitterly even as he nuzzles Matsuda’s cheek. “Still, I’m glad you’re here.”

“…”

Matsuda’s fingers run through Komaeda’s hair, and he breathes in the other’s scent.

“…I guess…that isn’t the worst thing.”


	11. MatsuKamu - Not Knowing Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four ficlets, rated about T-T+. Mild warnings. There's somewhat of a shared theme of sleeping and/or fragile serenity, but the relationship really is an unhealthy one, isn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of the dysfunctional as hell pre-dr0 MatsuKamu relationship. I really do adore them. They're such a mess, Matsuda especially. The first ficlet could be reasonably classified as "not angst" but for the rest, that's not the case.
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> Hahaha...

**surprise discovery of an overly-sensitive body part**

Matsuda Yasuke was a curious person, and pretty much the only outlet of entertainment he had. He does not expect this outlet to remain an effective one, but… He supposed, given the circumstances that he cannot afford to be picky.

But for now, Matsuda Yasuke was not…boring. Not now. Not yet.

Even in this situation, where Matsuda Yasuke has fallen asleep in his chair, despite snapping at Kamukura earlier when he remarked upon the obvious visible signs of exhaustion. Matsuda Yasuke had carried through the usual procedures best he could, however once he had to check over his reports… His eyelids fell and he ended up hunched over, pen slipping from his fingers and rolling off as he dozed.

Kamukura stares. And stares.

Matsuda Yasuke is sleeping in a blatantly precarious position, and he sleeps deeply.

He stares. And stares.

He familiarizes himself with the sleeping Matsuda Yasuke, from the line of drool, the slight fluttering of his lashes, and the steady breathing. How even while asleep, Kamukura could observe the knitted brow of his usual scowl. Even in sleep, Matsuda Yasuke did not know peace, it seemed.

He stares until he grows bored, and he stands.

Waking Matsuda Yasuke would be simple. Very simple. Just a pinch of his nose, but…instead, he’s drawn into a proximity that is far more reduced that it needs to be, all for the sake of murmuring into the other’s ear.

“Matsuda… Yasuke.”

And then… Matsuda shivered, features twisting, but not waking, cheeks pinking. Kamukura blinked, once. Twice.

_Oh. His ears._

Curious, his fingers pressed to the hollow beneath, and Matsuda makes a soft sound that strikes something hot and hard.

_Sensitive._

Kamukura inhales, and then he exhales.

“Mm…nn…”

Matsuda still sleeps, helpless and vulnerable.

With that…

Kamukura scoops him up and deposits him onto the bed. He pulls up the covers and pats his head awkwardly.

“Sleep well,” he whispers, delighting in how Matsuda shivers but how he relaxes, settling into his bed.

However nothing compares to the mumbling of Kamukura’s name that escapes Matsuda’s thin, pale lips.

“…mu…ku…ra…”

_…yes._ Kamukura thinks, breathing in, and out. _You definitely are not boring, Matsuda Yasuke._

**Doomed Relationships**

This whole thing was a bad idea and he knew it.

_You think my dumb ass would’ve learned from Hinata, but, no. Humanity is doomed to repeat its failures._

“Matsuda Yasuke, you are distracted again.”

Matsuda only sighed. He flinched, however, when Kamukura prodded his cheek repeatedly.

“Okay.” Poke. Poke, poke. “Okay, _stop_ that!”

Kamukura was unaffected by his hand being smacked away, instead continuing to give him That Look.

“It is unbecoming to be on a date with someone whose mind is clearly elsewhere.”

“What? Are you insecure about _that_ and not the fact that I’m barely dressed?”

“You’re always barely dressed,” Kamukura said. “It is only on you, really, as that half-assed attire is unsuitable for this weather.”

“Puh.” On cue, Matsuda shivered the slightest bit from the cold. “What the hell ever. I can make my own decisions.”

“Yes you can,” Kamukura agreed. “Even the bad ones.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Kamukura merely directed his attention elsewhere. Likely to the fish in a nearby aquarium. Said fish began to follow his movements, which was mildly entertaining but…

_Junko’s going to ruin him when she gets her hands on him. And she will. She most certainly will, if I’m involved._

Matsuda snorted softly.

_Then again, like hell that even makes much of a difference when I’m a shit match for the guy in the first place. Relationships? Companionship? Solidarity? Like hell someone like me can grasp the concept of any of that shit._

He sighs.

_I’m only keeping him close because it’s easier on me. It’s not because I actually want to be with him. There’s no way something like this won’t end badly for him. And yet… What am I supposed to do?_

He’s tried to push Kamukura away before. But, in spite of that impassive face, Kamukura Izuru was the clingiest fucker.

“Matsuda Yasuke,” Kamukura calls out. “This goldfish reminds me of you. Droopy and boring.”

**_Fucker._ **

“Don’t project,” Matsuda bit out. “Hey, you’re probably hungry, right? Let’s go eat.”

“Very well.”

Kamukura returned to his side, slipping his hand into Matsuda’s. Matsuda gripped it tightly, despite himself.

_I don’t want to hurt him. And yet, there’s no way I’m going to avoid doing that. I’m sorry, Kamukura._

“You can pick. Go wild. It’s not like it matters.”

“Mm, mm. Very well.”

_I’m so sorry._

**fairy tale-inspired horror**

He had the image of a marionette, dancing on stage. The marionette’s strings were cut, leaving the wooden doll useless and limp.

Then the doll was taken apart. Then it was rebuilt.

The cycle stated anew. Paint peeled, pieces chipped, and the marionette was repaired, broken, and rebuilt over and over.

The marionette was suffocating. Pieces were burnt.

The marionette was rotting. Pieces were chipped off until they were finally replaced.

Over.

And over.

Until the marionette was consumed by the gaping maw.

And he woke with a start.

“…Kamukura?”

And he flinched.

“Oh, that was a nightmare, huh. I guess you can still have those.” He turns slowly to where Matsuda is yawning, pushing himself from his desk to fetch a cup of water via the sink. He treads over, giving Kamukura the cup. Kamukura sips at it quietly. “You probably don’t want to talk about it, huh?”

“Mm… No. Not particularly.”

He gulps down the water. Matsuda flicks his forehead.

“Oi, oi, you’ll make yourself choke, _genius_.”

“If I choke, you are trained to deal with that,” Kamukura answered coolly. “Thus, I am unconcerned.”

Matsuda pinched his cheek.

“Don’t make extra work for me, you _freak_.”

Kamukura just blinks at him as he pulls away, sighing and likely irritated with his lack of change in expression.

“It…” Matsuda clicks his tongue, irritated. “That nightmare… It wasn’t…of them, right?”

Kamukura stares, and he shakes his head.

“No. It was not of the experiments. It was…something else.”

“Something else?” Matsuda echoed.

“You were not there,” Kamukura says, almost too quietly to be heard. “I suppose that is significant.”

“Haaah? What the hell were you even dreaming about?” Matsuda scowled. “If it was some freaky sex thing, then never mind. I don’t want to hear about it.”

“You would have been present, in that case.”

Matsuda smacks him. It doesn’t hurt in the slightest.

“Don’t say shit like that, you creep! Urgh, just forget I asked!”

Kamukura rubs where he was hit, watching dully as Matsuda turned away with a huff, returning to his desk. Matsuda did meet his gaze, briefly, but he turned back away with a deepening scowl.

Kamukura remembers the stares of the other researchers. Their pleased looks when he performed as expected. Their shadowy, gloved hands, directing him and manipulating his strings. Matsuda, who never looked at him like that.

_…but he would watch when he wasn’t involved._

The thought leaves him cold, even though it doesn’t matter.

_Not at all. Not at _all_._

**insanity**

It wasn’t the first time he wondered just what the hell he was doing. And it most certainly wouldn’t be the last.

_But. Seriously. What the hell am I doing?_

Matsuda blinks down blankly at the other, staring as if the other could give him an answer. Considering all that talent, all that intellect, the other should very fucking well be able to.

But right now, Kamukura Izuru is bedridden and feverish, an unfortunate but expectable result of the immunity training. Kamukura Izuru looks vulnerable, and Matsuda knows very well that Kamukura Izuru could break his arm.

He’s seen it happen before to some less fortunate researchers.

It’s sickening.

It’s maddening.

**_Just what the hell am I doing?!_ **

Matsuda sucked in his breath, and all the textbooks he’s read, all the studies he’s memorized, every little shitty experience and lesson this place has taught him… And he still has no fucking idea just what the hell he’s doing.

_I’m supposed to be a doctor, right…? This isn’t the work of a doctor. It’s the work of a fucking mad scientist. Am I insane? Why the hell did I agree to this?!_

Logically, he knows why. And yet. And _yet_.

“Mm…”

Kamukura Izuru’s features scrunch up. Matsuda’s breath catches.

“Matsuda… Yasuke?”

**_He really does sound so vulnerable._ **

“…stop.” Matsuda can’t even hear himself talk with his racing thoughts and racing heartbeat. “Don’t… Don’t say anything. Just rest. Rest, Kamukura, rest. _Please_.”

Kamukura Izuru relaxes with a sigh. Matsuda swallows.

_…I just have to wait for this moment to pass. That’s all I can do when my conscience rears its ugly head up. Just wait._

He just wants to laugh and laugh until the tears come. But he refuses, biting his tongue hard enough to draw blood.

_I made this bed. I have to lie in it._

Kamukura Izuru slept on peacefully in spite of his fever.


	12. MatsuKamu - Love & Hate Entwined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three ficlets of Matsuda and Kamukura's relation before and after the world's end. Complicated, indeed. Nothing NSFW and no notable warnings I can think of apply. There are some subtle things, but that's about it. Includes Matsuda Yasuke Lives AU because...yes, obviously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mooooore of this. For no reason other than I miss these two. I need to write them again soon, hhhhh.

**Braiding**

“It really does feel different from normal hair. Oilier. Thicker.” Matsuda pulls a couple of times. Kamukura is unaffected. “Tougher. You could probably raise an anchor with this.”

He continues brushing through the strands, humming.

“Hell, I wonder if the strands could also move if you so willed it… Would only be the second weirdest thing I’ve seen done with hair…”

“Boring,” Kamukura says simply. “Not worth the effort.”

Matsuda yanks on his hair again.

“So much science and neurons wasted on a boring moron,” he sighs as he sets the brush aside. “You don’t have the effort to do anything but sit here. Like a creepy fucking doll.”

He combs his own fingers through the ebony strands, and then, he starts to braid.

“Well, I might as well treat you like a doll, then.”

“Do as you wish. It does not matter.”

“It doesn’t? What if I decided I wanted to shave your head?”

Not that he’d ever do that. He’d need shears stronger than steel, for one thing. For another, he found he actually didn’t mind braiding Kamukura’s hair, seeing how many he could make with the thick and numerous strands. In DNA-styled braids, he once made a good fourteen of them.

It hadn’t been bad. Much more fun than the 3D models he used to make in junior high.

“Hm?” Matsuda nudges Kamukura to get an answer. “Y’know… The scientists are always talking about how bitchy you are about getting baths and that you don’t let anyone touch your hair… Are they just making that up? Or do you dislike them that much?”

A pause.

“Well, not that I blame you…” He’s already made five braids. He’s gotten surprisingly good at this. Not surprising. He’d had to sew his own clothes before and that’s much more tedious. “But if you dislike them, you should dislike me, too. Doesn’t make sense to have an exception. No logic at all. If you’re illogical, we’ll have to fix that.”

Kamukura is dead quiet. Matsuda can’t even tell if he’s breathing.

“…sorry.”

He finishes a few more braids.

“That was…a really fucking tasteless remark to make. I didn’t actually mean it. It’s a relief that you have some level of irrationality remaining.” Matsuda wonders if he brought enough rubber bands. “But it should be spent on someone worth a damn and a half. Someone who won’t treat you like shit.”

“…it does not matter,” Kamukura finally says. “I will never leave here, after all.”

Matsuda grimaced before laughing softly and sardonically.

“You never know, so don’t make such sure comments, Kamukura.”

“Mm.”

Matsuda ended up running out of rubber bands before he could braid all of Kamukura’s hair after all. It was only a little despairing.

**Puzzles**

_Plop._

Kamukura blinks once. Twice. Matsuda won’t look him in the eyes.

“…this is not an authorized test, Matsuda Yasuke.”

“No fucking shit,” Matsuda hissed. “It’s a leisure puzzle book. To pass the time. That’s what it was made for.”

Said puzzle book was considerably thick, boasting hundreds upon thousands of various puzzles from crosswords to sudoku. Kamukura flips through it quickly, figuring each one out, except Matsuda shoves a pen into his hand.

“You’re supposed to write shit down,” he said, still scowling. “Just figuring things out in your head isn’t shit if that’s where the answers remain. Your head’s already jammed pack already.”

“…this is not an authorized test,” Kamukura repeated. “You were supposed to deliver authorized tests.”

Matsuda bristled, and angrily, he throws the offending authorized texts onto the bed beside him.

“There. _God_. The puzzle book is just for when you’re done with all that so that you don’t get too bored. I can’t believe I have to fucking say that when you’re supposed to be a goddamn savant on everything.”

Kamukura blinks.

“…so, then, there is no requirement to fill out this puzzle book. It will not make much of a difference. Everything will still be boring,” he said. “So why bother?”

“Because it’s better than sitting there and collecting dust. How fucking stupid are you, Kamukura?”

Kamukura does not answer. Matsuda then falters, sighing and running his fingers through his hair.

“…look…it’s just because I was sick of you whining about how bored you were…and I thought something like this would help. But of fucking course you’re above basic shit like gratitude. Whatever. You don’t have to fill the damn thing out if you don’t want to. It’s just…an option. For when you have nothing else to do.”

Kamukura stares at him.

_…an option._

He has not had options before. At least, not ones that he could simply ignore without consequence.

Without thinking about it, his grip on the puzzle book tightens.

“…you may leave now, Matsuda Yasuke.”

“Thank fucking god, whatever would I do without your fucking permission to exit your shitty-ass room, O Great Kamukura Izuru.” A pause. Matsuda sighs again. “I’ll be seeing you.”

Tiredly, he waves him off before leaving. When Matsuda’s back is completely turned, Kamukura waves back.

And the door shuts.

_(Unsurprisingly, he later hears the following argument:_

_“You really should know better than to just go ahead and do whatever you want, Matsuda-kun.”_

_“And what? You’re seriously going to get on my ass over a fucking puzzle book? You already know how quickly Kamukura completes your stupid-ass tests. How much free time he has. There’s literally no harm in giving the kid something else to do.”_

_“…that is beside the point and you know it. It was not authorized.”_

_“Look, asshole, you do realize that the human brain is negatively affected by isolation and having nothing to fucking do, right? I’m doing damage control.”_

_“Kamukura Izuru is more than human, Matsuda-kun.”_

_“Yeah. Great. Okay. He’s not a fucking machine, either.”_

_“…”_

_“…whatever. What do I know, right? I’m only the **Ultimate Neurologist**.”_

_“What you are is a child.”_

_“Fuck you. Report my ass, then. I don’t care. It’s just a fucking puzzle book.”_

_Kamukura hears Matsuda stomp away, and the faceless, nameless researcher only sighs._

_“…so troublesome…it’s not even worth the effort…”_

_Kamukura ends up falling asleep, holding the completed puzzle book close.)_

**Love/Hate Relationship**

It is not uncommon for him to wake up while Matsuda was still dozing. From the looks of it, he was sleeping deeply and inelegantly, drool dripping from his parted lips. Matsuda Yasuke, the once shining future of neurology.

_And now…_

Well. Nothing really mattered anymore. Kamukura pushed himself up with a sigh, only perking when he saw that Matsuda’s bandaged fingers clinging to the back of his shirt.

Said bandages would need to be replaced. He should do it while Matsuda was deeply asleep. After all, he would be in quite a bit of pain while awake.

_Not that the pain is absent for now. Matsuda Yasuke’s just too out of it. So cowardly, escaping to near unconsciousness to avoid it._

Then again, Matsuda Yasuke hated being awake almost as much as he hated being alive. Almost as much as he hated Kamukura for keeping him alive all this time.

_“You should’ve left me to die. Wouldn’t that have been fair? Wouldn’t that have been just? You fucking **idiot**. Why the hell did you save me?! **Don’t you hate me?!** ”_

Kamukura remembered a small choked sob before pushing all unpleasant thoughts from his mind. Matsuda Yasuke would most certainly ridicule him for such detestable sentimentality. But that didn’t matter.

_He may be unhappy, but… He will still be alive._

With that in mind, he pries off Matsuda’s grip. He does so gently, flexing Matsuda’s fingers idly. Those same fingers that had sliced open his skull…and those same fingers that clung to him when he carried Matsuda to safety, Matsuda tearfully cursing him all the while.

**_“Why?”_ **

“The truth is, I do hate you a little,” Kamukura found himself for saying. “I hate you considerably for protecting her. I hate you for protecting me, too.”

_…because I should have been euthanized in the end. It would have been simpler. It would have been easier. I had nothing and I deserved nothing._

“It’s retribution. We have to survive together, Matsuda Yasuke.”

Matsuda snored. Expression unchanging, Kamukura released his hand, brushing back Matsuda’s hair.

“Continue to sleep well for now,” he murmured, kissing Matsuda’s brow. “You deserve that as much as you deserve to suffer.”


End file.
